What to do when your child tells you “I’m gay”

child tells you I’m gay”

This is perhaps one of the most sensitive subjects that a family could ever face. We are not living in a western culture like the United States or in Europe where gay people are expressive and very vocal. In the Asian culture, where family ties are given a lot of prominence and more particularly in Malaysia, when someone admits he or she is gay, they are sometimes shut out by society and the people around them. This is because the Asian society is not as ready as the west to accept gays into the community although this scenario is fast changing.

However, if such a situation happens in your family, then there is a need to take some very drastic action which must begin with yourself. Otherwise, your child might feel rejected and this could have very negative repercussions. You must know that it takes tremendous courage to actually come out of the closet and admit that one is gay. So if your child tells you that, you must realize that he or she has taken an extremely brave step.

The most important response is to not go into overdrive. Do not get angry first, although you will surely feel so. Remember that he or she is still your child and nothing has changed. The only change is on their sexual preference. It will be hard to accept especially if he or she is your only child but if that is what makes them happy, then perhaps that is how things will be.

Always remember that if your child admits he or she is gay, it is not the end of the world. There could be a chance that they might become straight again. This could be an exploration stage that they are going through. It is not the be-all and end-all. The last thing you want to do is to lose your child’s trust and faith forever. You might not be supportive, but you should not be too overly against it as well.

Keep all the communication channels open with your child. Let your child teach you more about what the LGBT (Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual and Transgender) community is all about. There are a lot of resources out there which will help you to deal with this. At this point, it is more you who needs help because you need to accept the changes in your child. Since they have admitted that they are gay, you might want to learn ways to move on and perhaps one day, your child will become ‘normal’ again.


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